On a weird Good Friday

Growing up I did not know what Good Friday was. For some reason, I did not correlate it at all with Easter. But then, Easter was a rather low-key affair that mostly revolved around receiving candy. Since, unlike today, candy was then a relatively rare thing, it was enough for me. I remember that we always had ham on Easter. Yes, I knew that Easter was the day Christ's resurrection is celebrated.

I still remember a few years after becoming Catholic, while still an undergraduate, going home to my parents' house late on Good Friday. I used to drive back home from Salt Lake on some weekends for the quiet to study. I think I had been fasting all day. I didn't arrive at my parents' house until around 9:00 PM.

About ten o'clock, I went in search of food. They'd had spare ribs for supper with rice and saved me some. And so, I ate. It's odd that remember this. I think the year was 1992. I also remember feeling a bit guilty, not only for eating but eating meat!. Hey, what's religion without a little neurosis? Maybe that's why the ribs tasted so damn good. And maybe the flavor of the ribs is what causes me to remember- that or the guilt.

Crucifixion, by Matthias Grünewald, from the Isenheim Altarpiece

Usually, the Triduum is pretty profound for me. This year, given the hectic pace of my life, not so much. Reflecting on it, that's okay. It's good news that we celebrate it no matter what. We even observed the Triduum last year when virtually nobody could participate, at least not in person. Perhaps a year that seemed like a long Lent also tamps down my fervor a bit.

This week, praying the psalmody for the Office of Readings on Wednesday, I was struck by verse fourteen of Psalm 39: "Turn your gaze from me, that I may smile before I depart to be no more."

This verse is preceded by

O Lord, turn your ear to my cry.
Do not be deaf to my tears.
In your house I am a passing guest,
a pilgrim, like all my fathers

One of the things I cherish about the Psalms is that they deal in reality. Reality is what makes them hopeful as opposed to merely optimistic- Psalm 39 has not one note of optimism in it!

Praying the Psalms day-after-day in the Liturgy of the Hours shapes and forms me. This is a great help when I am not "feeling it," as it were. This Good Friday, I am certainly not feeling it. That's okay. In fac, more than okay. Today I will fast, pray, and prepare for today's observance, which we're holding in the evening. I can say, I need resurrection. Well, at least I desire to be resurrected. That's a start, right?

Our traditio for this Good Friday is King's College (Cambridge) Choir & congregation singing "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross."