I work for my diocese. My office is in the Pastoral Center, which is just across the plaza from our Cathedral. Since I work nearly every Saturday, I've been attending the Sunday Vigil Mass on Saturday evening. I just attend and assist as a member of the assembly.
While I pray the Liturgy of the Hours and the Rosary everyday, I am back to my default setting of not attending Mass during the week. I made an exception and went to Mass at the cemetery on All Souls Day, which is not a holy day of obligation. That was a lovely experience. Of course, I will go on holy days. I am blessed that there is a small chapel just down the hall from my office. Most days, I pray the offices there.
What I am attempting is a social and ecclesial detox. I think it's working. But, in truth, it's too early to tell. Late last week, I had a very difficult afternoon and evening. These happen now and again. But they don't happen when I am too busy and very stressed. Rather, they tend to occur at the end of busy and stressful periods.
I am usually the first one to tell people to take care of themselves. I encourage people not to neglect themselves, to rest, exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, drink plenty of water, take time off and away, and not feel bad for saying no, or even bowing out of certain things. But up until now, I haven't really heeded my own advice. But, as the saying goes, better late than never.
For now, I am content doing what I'm doing. I am still assessing, still discerning. Next summer I need to make some decisions about how I am going to move forward. These are decisions about what I am going to do, continue to do, and what I'm no longer going to do. There are already some things I've dropped never to pick up again.
Most of these things are parish stuff. In reality, my days of doing a lot parish-level things are more or less over. Quite honestly, I feel I've done my bit and then some. Extenuating circumstances aside, making that break has been liberating.
I'm not even sure I want to continue preaching. When it comes to that, I am happy to be taking an extended break. After a while, I will gauge how I feel about it. It took nearly 23 years for much of the lustre of ministry to wear off. That's a pretty good run, if I may say so. I don't want to just grind, like I was doing through most of last summer. This is a positive development.
While I don't believe for moment that the Lord creates bad circumstances in order to make or to help me grow, he is willing to use such circumstances, if I let him, to walk alongside me. This year has been a stripping away. While difficult, I am grateful for it. At this point, I feel like I can see people, places, and situations more clearly, seeing them for what they are without feeling the need to put a gloss on them. And, at least to myself, I can call it as I see it without feeling bad. This enables me to make better choices. There are a lot of things now from which I just walk away.
Then there are those few with regard to whom I practice benevolent detachment, saying, May God bless and keep you. Go in peace. With a few more sincere iterations, maybe I'll get it. Besides, it's much better than what I've muttered in my worst moments.
I have to say that when it comes to Christian communities, outward growth is not a sign of health. Suffice it to say, Christian communities should be open, welcoming, embracing, not defensive, self-protective, suspicious, closed in, even paranoid. By open, I mean radically so, welcoming the stranger, the person who doesn't look and act like everyone else, instead of feeling threatened. That said, I don't feel called to be a prophet. Inevitably, the consequences of choices will play out.
As Catholics, we need a more unfiltered appreciation of the Sacred Scriptures, less theological gloss, fewer catechetical and scholastic formulae. These often tend to reduce the radicality of the Gospel. Part of a homily is an exposition of the scriptures that were read. We don't get much of that but we need it, as do those who preach.
One historical reality to which many Catholics who engage in polarizing apologetics and triumphalism fail to grasp is that, at least in the beginning, the scripture scholar and professor Martin Luther's project was a reassertion of the biblical humanism of the monastics, especially the Cistercians, like Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, in the face of scholasticism. Rather than me going on and on and on, just read James 2:1-13. How often the rich and/or violent bear it away!
If, as a Christian, you don't believe orthopraxis (i.e., doing the right thing) is more important than orthodoxy (i.e., believing the right thing), then you need to read to the Parable of the Good Samaritan and then re-read it (see Luke 10:25-37). In this parable, Jesus deliberately demonstrates this, making it more than an offbeat assertion by some deacon who is passive-aggresively grinding axes in a blog post (I can be honestly self-deprecating).
Ideally, one (orthopraxis) should flow from the other (orthodoxy), but clearly it doesn't work this way automatically, repeatably, predictably, and not often enough, as Jesus sought to show by telling this story. Even if this somehow works the other way around, does it matter? According to the Gospel, it was the heterodox person who did the right thing. It is the Samaritan who gives us an example to emulate. By contrast, in this parable, it was the orthodox who failed catastrophically and, arguably, as a direct result of their orthodoxy! If this leaves you feeling unsetteled, then it worked!
I fully understand that Christian faith is inherently communal. With that in mind, I note that tomorrow is the universal Feast of the Dedication of the Lateran Basilica in Rome. Saint John Lateran being both the pope's cathedral as Bishop of Rome and the Church's Mother Church. The chair, the cathedra from which the Bishop of Rome presides over the Church in charity.
But Christian faith also has an indispensible personal dimension, one that is experiential. You know, the old Catholic et/et, that is, both/and. The personal dimension, at times, is not only downplayed, but denigrated. It is downplayed and denigrated for no reason other than as a reflexive and defensive pitch for the institution.
Spiritually mature people see though this. This dimension needs to be fostered by the Church and for the Church. Serious and on-going spiritual formation, making disciples, is the main task of the Church. This must happen for the Church to be both faithful and healthy. Frankly, we do a poor job at this, that is, when we even bother to try.
At present and probably for a long while moving ahead, I feel the need to focus on the personal, continue opening myself to interior transformation. I know I have a long row to hoe, but thank God it isn't a self-improvement project. What this means is daily living my faith in a quiet and consistent manner. It's been nice prioritizing my own walk with the Lord, striving to be true be to the Gospel and my own conscience.
With some frequency, I listen to the daily devotional on the 24/7 Prayer app., Lectio 365. Each devotion ends like this:
And now as I prepare to take this time of prayer into the coming day,It's difficult for me to think of a better prayer with which to start each day!
the Lord who loves me says, [a scripture quote, like this from last Wednesday]
in First Corinthians 6:19: "your bodies are temples of the holy Spirit,
who is in you,
whom you have received from God."
Father, help me to live this day to full,
being true to you in every way.
Jesus, help me to give myself away to others,
being kind to everyone I meet.
Spirit, help me to love the lost,
proclaiming Christ in all I do and say.
Amen
This Wednesday, the Memorial of Saint Martin of Tours (a.k.a. San Martín Caballero), is my birthday. Most years, I post something to mark the anniversary of when I was born into what Pater Tom called the "demented inn" of this world. This is my birthday post for this year.
And so, as I end one year of my life and start another (in November we're urged to consider the fact that we don't know how many years we have left- memento mori), I am deeply attuned to what the Lord requires of me: "Only to do justice and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with [him]" (italics added- Micah 6:8).




