54 and rambling on (and on)

Today I turn 54. It hardly seems possible. On our wedding anniversary next June, I will be married to my lovely wife for half my life. I was thinking this morning that from birth to 27 seemed like it took an eternity but from 27-54 went by in a flash. Mortality can be a heavy weight to bear, which is why I am glad I spent a lot of time last week preparing to preach and thinking about the resurrection. Faith and the hope to which it gives birth is a gift from God.

I thank God for the gift of faith every day. I also ask God to help me share this gift with others in a Spirit-led, that is, a useful way. By "useful way," I mean a way the matters to the person with whom I share. Evangelism is not an exercise in being obnoxious- that is proselytism. The latter has nothing to do with bearing witness to the Good News.

I find myself feeling very grateful this morning. My life is very interesting these, forcing me to stay very engaged, sometimes more engaged than I'd like to be, truth be told. In the big scheme of things, this is a small complaint. I am gratified by the fact that, even at my age, my life still seems full of possibilities. True to form lately, I seem to be somewhat challenged when it comes to writing in a free-form manner- an endeavor at which I used to be quite proficient and relish opportunities.

Lest anyone think my life is perfect or ideal in any way, I have my struggles, my doubts, my wounds. I have bad habits, most of which flow from being very hard on myself and hard on others, especially those closest to me. I am thankful for a gracious spouse, who freely forgives my 70x7 and then some. I am amazed at the wonderful adults our three oldest children have become. I have no trouble stating that this is largely due to their mother. Having me as their dad is probably more of a hindrance than a help. But I love all 6 of my children so much it sometimes feels like my heart will explode.

I don't think I really grasped the tremendous importance of friendship until about the time I turned 50. This isn't because I didn't think I needed friends, it was mostly because I thought I wasn't very good friend material. Like most adult men in contemporary U.S. society, I just didn't seem to have the time or energy to cultivate and sustain friendships. Being insecure, I have a difficult time believing anyone actually likes me. But some people do like me, which amazes me and makes me grateful.

I am not one of those people who obsess over growing older but turning 50 made a big impact on me (see "On Turning 50"). Before my 50th birthday in 2015, I had already made some pretty big adjustments in my life. My birthday really helped me to chart a new mid-life course. It hasn't been all smooth sailing. I did not expect it to be. But life is much better living it head-on by recognizing my need, yes, need to be more compassionate, kind, patient, understanding, and forgiving. This began with how I dealt with myself, to state the matter oddly.

I love that my birthday is on the Feast of Saint Martin of Tours. Armistice Day was chosen because it is the feast of the saint who left military life, a life for which he seemed to be born, and war-making to follow Christ. As not only a veteran but a combat veteran, I can think of no better way to honor those who have served in the military than by making peace. As Pope Saint John Paul II noted, war is always the result of human failure.

While I am on the subject of milestones (birthdays are life's mile markers), I am amazed that Καθολικός διάκονος has been going for 14 years, 13 years in earnest. Blogging, despite being overtaken by other forms of digital communication, remains something fruitful for me. When I no longer find it useful personally, I will find a graceful way of bringing this weblog (there's a term you seldom hear anymore) to a close. But for now, I am happy to plot along, posting a few thoughts and a song on Friday, reflecting on scriptural readings for Sunday and most Solemnities, and sharing a thought or two along the way.