Addendum to the Sunday readings: just love of self

If I had actually preached today, it would've been important to spend a little time talking about love. I think it would've been necessary to mention what is traditionally called "the just love of self." Taken to its extreme, self-love is narcissism. On the opposite end of the self-love spectrum is self-abnegation, which means renouncing or rejecting yourself. In this schema, the just love of self falls right in the middle and holds these in tension.

It's important to note that in today's Gospel the word the inspired author of Matthew places on Jesus's lips when giving the two great commandments to love is the appropriate form of the verb agape. At least in Christian parlance, agape refers to self-giving or self-sacrificing love. The word for "love" in both commandments transliterates as agaphseis. This is important because it makes clear that loving my neighbor as I love myself does not start with a love of self but with the love of God, which is given us in Christ.

I often find it difficult, even impossible at times, to love myself. I tend to be very hard on myself, even harsh with myself sometimes. This often leads me to be less than loving towards others, especially those closest to me. A genuine love of neighbor begins with the love of God, moves through a just love of self, which is rooted in my experience of being loved, and then to genuine love of neighbor.

Speaking from my own experience, I can only love myself in a healthy manner because I know I am loved unconditionally. Scripture teaches: "In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10). This, dear reader, is agape.

Jesus makes clear that these two commandments, which really amount to one commandment, contain the whole of the law and the prophets. This really comes into focus when you realize that both commands come directly from the Law: Deuteronmy 6:4-5 and Levticus 19:18. Earlier in Matthew, Jesus teaches the Golden Rule, which bids us "Do to others whatever you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). Again, he insists "This is the law and the prophets" (Matthew 7:12).

You see, in order to love, I must know that I am loved. I am very fond of the saying- "God loves you and there is nothing you can do about it." This knowledge is what gives me the freedom, the confidence, and the courage to love without counting the cost. Our refusal to love others as God loves us is often the result of fear. This fear arises from not experiencing the love of God for yourself.