Electronic means of communication! Well, at least in my experience, these constitute a very mixed bag. Not included in this are voice communication, like an actual phone call. I believe most mobile phones still feature this capability (sarcasm).
On the one hand, it's nice to able to communicate with people directly, especially people I know very well whether they live near or far. These communications run the gamut from brief, insightful conversations about books, sports, music, movies, shared articles, etc., to the mundane, like "Hey, can you pick up some milk on your way home?"
Again, in my experience, such media are not built to be a relationship in toto. Communicating exclusvely via electronic means with someone, especially when you don't have the foundation of a well-developed personal relationship or any in-person interaction, is not only unsustainable, it's imprudent. In-person communication is often difficult enough under the best of circumstances. It becomes impossible when more than half of how human beings communicate is always missing.
So, what's missing? Easy. Body language, facial expression, tone of voice, eye contact or lack thereof, etc. Also, knowing someone, knowing how they "are" thus allowing you to filter what they write through your experience of that person. If you're limited to communicating with someone exclusively by electronic means (i.e., texting, Snapchat, WhatsApp, FB Messenger, Dm'ing on other platforms, etc.) and the two people don't know each other well, it can be impossible to know what s/he is trying to say. "Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm," as the song goes, even if in a different context. I kind of miss the days when, apart from sending a letter or card through the post or passing someone a note, communicating meant talking.
Speaking of prudence, proceed cautiously with anyone from your past who suddenly "parachutes" into your life. Not that they're intent on anything bad, just that, depending how long it's been since you've interacted and how well you knew each other in past, there are most likely some erroneous assumptions and even some projections that are made on both sides. In short, neither of you are the people you were nor are you, given time and distance, likely who each thinks the other is.
This past week provided me with a great chance to be gentler with myself. This always happens when I spend more time with the Lord. Many times, my impetus to spend more time in personal prayer is something going sideways, sadly. It's not always the case, just more often than it should be. Either way, Christ gazes on me with such tender gentleness. This enables me to be gentler with myself and, in turn, with others. It doesn't matter to Him that I am flawed and in many ways a deeply deficient person. I already know that and often pay the price for it, which leads to me to berate and shame myself. Like many people, I have some very deep insecurities. Insecurities are vulnerabilities.
It would be easy for me to choose not make myself vulnerable by keeping to myself. As an introvert, though not a shy introvert, I am perfectly content by myself. I don't get bored. But too much self isn't good. No matter how introverted you are, being human requires you to be relational. With no thou there is no I. By making myself vulnerable, I take the risk of having my insecurities exposed and my scabs ripped off. I am grateful to have recourse to the One who loves me best, always, without fail, warts, weaknesses, insecurities, deficiencies and all. Here's something beautiful: He is disposed the same way toward you!
Someone I knew well and who I helped return to the Church some years ago wound up taking his own life a few years after his return. Casey was a wonderful, kind, and creative person. At his memorial service, in which I was privileged to participate, cards were given to each person that read: Be gentle with yourself & with others (I have posted the picture above before). These remain good words for me to live by even if I can only strive to do so in my weak and forgetful way.
On the brink of the holy season of Lent, being kinder and gentler give me a focus. In his Lenten message, the Holy Father has invited us "to a very practical and frequently unappreciated form of abstinence: that of refraining from words that offend and hurt our neighbor."
In the tradition prevalent among Eastern Christians prior to Great Lent, if I have ever been less than gentle and/or patient with you, please forgive me. Not only do I bring these lapses to the Lord one-on-one but to Him through the sacrament of penance because, when I say the Confiteor at Mass, I mean it. . . "and you my brothers and sisters. . ."
I used to be a Utah Jazz fan. In response to a post about the franchise being fined $500K for tanking (i.e., losing games on purpose in the hope of securing a top draft pick), I wrote "They should be called the Utah Tankopotamuses. They've been doing this since [Ryan] Smith bought the team. This is why I retired as a fan." To which some stranger replied, complete with GIF, "No one cares." I initially responded with, "You know this because you're no one?" After several seconds, I went back and deleted my original comment, which automatically deletes all replies. I don't want to interact in that way with anyone. Neither do I want to be treated that way. The Golden Rule remains in effect.
The online exchange about the Jazz isn't what precipitated this post. It just helps make my point without getting too specific. Humility does not exclude self-respect. To be clear, I still hold to my view about the Jazz and their cyncial approach to the game, despite promises to the contrary at the start of the season. Feel free to disagree or not care.
Anyway, our Friday traditio is General Public's "Tenderness." Indeed, "without tenderness, there's something missing." I must say, "Mirror in the Bathroom" was a temptation.
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