What is love? This gets back to a familiar theme, namely that the English word "love" bears a lot of weight. Frankly, too much. Again, as my readers know Greek has four words to express different aspects this one word.
Of course, we have English words for those Greek words: for philia friendship; for eros, well, eros or erotic, which, in English, tends to be used synonymously for sex or sexual, for agape selflessness, for storge, familial love.
The Sower, by Vincent Van Gogh, 1888
As a Christian, I believe God- who is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit- is love.This not, however, reversible. Love is not God. Nonetheless, this is often reversed and to ill effect and bad affect.
Because God is triune, He is love, a relational, self-giving love. God is, in a word, agape.
So, yes, I am in love, always in love. It is inescapable, try as I might to evade or avoid. Evasion and avoidance, like the original people in the garden who, after eating the forbidden fruit, tried to hide. God doesn't seek me in order to punish me. God seeks me to love me. You know what? Sometimes I would prefer punishment.
I heard something recently that struck me. A brother deacon was talking about his experience of Christ during low ebbs, during sinful times in his life. He said that it was amazing to let the Lord "love me through it." He leaned into Christ instead of hiding in the shadows of guilt and shame.
It is unavoidable, you are in God's love. It is marvelous, revelatory to revel in the love of God given us in Christ, which is the work of the Holy Spirit. To live in the awareness of God's love is to live in reality.
Sometimes I don't know if it's harder to let myself be loved than it is to love others. But then, the one necessarily precedes the other. I am not sure I am capable of loving if I don't first experience being loved.
It's very much the case that sometimes I don't want to be loved. Even worse, there are times that being loved kind of upsets me. Beyond that there are times when I want to be "loved" in a manner of my own choosing, which is a stance utterly at odds with love. It's an attempt to take when love can only be received.
Because I suck at relationships I realize the miracle performed by those who keep loving me. It's amazing. I am making peace with the fact that I am not a example of loving well but only of being loved and I am not really great at that either.
Being loved is as risky as loving. In the catechesis for his first General Audience the day before yesterday, Pope Leo taught on the Parable of the Sower found in Saint Matthew's Gospel. He said this, which very much resonated with me, even more than his exposition of Van Gogh's painting of the sower:
We are used to calculating things – and at times it is necessary – but this does not apply in love! The way in which this “wasteful” sower throws the seed is an image of the way God loves us. Indeed, it is true that the destiny of the seed depends also on the way in which the earth welcomes it and the situation in which it finds itself, but first and foremost in this parable Jesus tells us that God throws the seed of his Word on all kinds of soil, that is, in any situation of ours: at times we are more superficial and distracted, at times we let ourselves get carried away by enthusiasm, sometimes we are burdened by life’s worries, but there are also times when we are willing and welcoming. God is confident and hopes that sooner or later the seed will blossom. This is how he loves us: he does not wait for us to become the best soil, but he always generously gives us his word. Perhaps by seeing that he trusts us, the desire to be better soil will be kindled in us. This is hope, founded on the rock of God’s generosity and mercy.I probably could've just posted that. It's useful for me to work through all of this. I pray there may be some value in it for you, too, dear reader.
Our Friday traditio is Pixies singing their song "The Vegas Suite" I think it kind of gets to our tendency to evade and avoid, inescapability, etc.
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